THE LONDON UNDERGROUND - FRIEND OR FOE?

The London Underground is an inexplicable phenomenon.

Much like the Northern Lights or a Solar Eclipse, it is confounding, a little puzzling and is running at 100% efficiency only about as often as one can see either of the above.

My experiences with what Londoners refer to the ominous sounding ‘Tube’ (affectionately or otherwise I am yet to ascertain) were mixed and therefore I wanted to flesh out the pros and cons to decide for myself whether the ‘Tube’ (I feel like the Jaws music should accompany the very term) is indeed friend or foe…

Pro Number #1

It’s underground.

This may seem as deadly obvious as the nose on your face but this is often a commonly overlooked MASSIVE pro. By having the whole system underground, commuters do not have to contend with any of the mental London traffic. Also, it doesn’t need to follow the already designated roads and when building in new lines they can pretty much just hack out a tunnel anywhere they want (I’m sure it is more complicated than that but that is why I deal with words and not engineering). This also means you can get somewhere IN THEORY quicker than you could on the roads. Although NASA has said people could live on Mars IN THEORY and you don’t see people rushing off to their local rocket ship….

Also, it is warm underground. Well warmer anyway, but when you are contending with minus one London weather as I was even the slightest increase in temperature is welcomed. Although, on this note, it probably would get a little hot in the summer. But seeing as the English wouldn’t know what a real summer was if it slapped them in the face, I’m guessing this wouldn’t be a real issue.

Con Number #1

It’s underground.

No, I haven’t suffered short term memory loss – the fact the Tube is underground is a negative just as much as it is a positive. I discovered the joys of this con when trying to get to Piccadilly Circus to see Grease on West End.

Got on the train.

My train was fine.

The train in front? Not so fine.

So what do you do when the train in front of yours breaks down?

You guessed it people – absolutely nothing. There is no such thing as a Tube ‘detour’, for the simple reason that there is nowhere to go. So everyone just has to wait on the train until the problem is fixed and the line is free again. Obviously this can cause HUGE backlog problems, big delays and a lot of cramped and angry Londoners. And trust me; they are cramped and angry at the best of time so these sort of situations are not helping.  

Pro Number #2

The Oyster Card

I would like to kiss the person who invented the Oyster Card. If only the head of the transport system in Melbourne or Sydney had been there when God handed him the gift of the Oyster Card, then we wouldn’t have some of the most badly organised and run transportation systems in the world. The concept is quite bewilderingly simple.

Put money on Oyster Card.

Swipe Oyster Card.

Get on Train.

Get off Train.

Swipe Oyster Card.

And repeat.

Of course there are other ticketing options, but the idea of buying a ticket for EVERY single leg you to take makes watching paint dry look more appealing. It also is a very efficient system as it means you don’t have to line up for the ticket machines and can just swipe away like the crowds and crowds of local Londoners who are rushing around the Underground at a million miles an hour in their typical uptight English fashion.

Con Number #2

The Oyster Card

Some famous guy once said there are always two sides to the same story. The Oyster Card my friends is no exception. Yes it is efficient and yes it is easy to use but there is one little characteristic of the humble Oyster Card which is often overlooked and is almost always the cause of its downfall.

It is ultimately a piece of technology and what is the one thing we can rely on when it comes to technology boys and girls? It will and does break.

So for example, I loaded my Oyster Card with 10 pounds from a local newsagent and got the station. Moved into the enormous queue of people lining up to swipe their precious Oyster Cards and got the front. Swiped it and lo and behold it didn’t work. Swiped it again. No go. (And of course it has one of those little red lights which just teases you incessantly…’haha I’m not letting you through’.

Just as I was about the try it a third time there was a sharp and angry London voice in my ear:

‘It won’t let you in cause you have no money, now can you please move?’

Well aren’t you just a ray of sunshine….

I of course turned and told her that I had just put on 10 pounds so it did definitely have money on it but nevertheless I backed out of the massing crowd and had to get someone to check my card. They informed me that yes the money was on there but just to try again as they can be a little funny sometimes.

The Oyster Card. Reliable, efficient, but sometimes a little ‘funny’?

Uh huh.

Pro Number #3

The map.

Despite being a crazy labyrinth of colourful lines and tiny little station names in ridiculously small black font – the system is actually quite easy to use. Each station is really well signed and you really would have to be pretty stupid to get on the wrong one. Especially because when you get on they tell you where that particular train is going. So if you were going to get on the wrong train you would have to be really thick or deaf or both and if you fit into any of these categories I do apologise. Even when getting off a train and wanting to transfer to another one, there are plenty of signs and plenty of time to read them with the crowds moving incredibly slowly through the station.

Con Number #3

The dreaded strike.

That one S word is enough to instil fear into the hearts of every Londoner. Unfortunately for me, one of their famous strikes happened to fall on one of the days I found myself in London. And let me tell you it is as annoying and frustrating as it appears.

Having said this, the transport people do actually deal with it the best way they can. At each station there are loads of transport officials who can help you try to get where you need to go if you can’t take the route you normally would. Yes, this is helpful and I was very grateful for it, but if there weren’t SO many lines and stations closed the problem wouldn’t be there in first place. And of course for the strike to have any ACTUAL effect they shut off the lines which are the most central and go through the most stations where people need to go.

People meaning tourists as well.

Gay.

Is a ride on the London Underground a bit of a hit and miss experience?

DEFINITELY

Would something similar work in certain cities in Australia?

MAYBE

Will I EVER stop giggling at the Piccadilly line that terminates at Cockfosters?

PROBABLY NOT!

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