SECOND IS JUST THE FIRST OF THE LOSERS

There can be no doubt that both England are Australia are proud sporting nations. Our very cultures have a strong focus on all aspects of sport but more vitally on winning sport. We were both there to learn the lesson that there is point in playing to lose. Our countries are comprised of a bunch of power thirsty winners, itching for bragging rights over the other until the next season/competition.

Petty you ask? If you do then you simply do not understand.

Here is where the dilemma of being an Australian living in England comes into play…. When it comes to the sporting world we are not England’s favourite people. In fact, we are one of the few countries that is standing in the way of your total global domination in many sports. 

Now if that doesn’t make me fear for my life here I don’t know what will.

It pays never to be too confident when England is in competition with Australia. Both are renowned for their successes and talents in various sports and it would be very dangerous to write off either nation’s ability to come from behind at the last minute (2003 Rugby World Cup Final anyone??!?!)

Having said all of this, there is one special time in the sporting calendar that comes around every four years which has its own little place in the heart of all Australians. It’s when the collective pride of the nation swells to a point of explosion; where we really get to show the English who is rightfully boss in the sporting arena.

No it’s not Christmas ladies and gentlemen, but more commonly referred to as The Commonwealth Games. 

The Commonwealth Games is like all of Australia’s Christmas’s have come at once. Not only do we get to revel in our unmatched sporting success but without America there, we are finally given a proper chance to show our domination over poor old England (sorry!)

I was lucky enough to be present at the Melbourne Commonwealth Games in 2006 and it was undoubtedly one of the best week’s of my life. The Aussie sporting spirit was out loud and proud and with our national team winning TWICE (yes, lets say it again TWICE) as many medals as England, we couldn’t have been any happier than if the government decided to give us another public holiday (which the English have hardly any of let me remind you!) So what is the key to this domination you ask? Well I can hardly deem myself an expert but here are a couple of my theories:

Theory #1: Australian’s do not like to lose. Therefore, we will do almost anything humanely possible to make our teams the best they can possibly be – and most often than not that translates into being the best in the world.

Theory #2: Money. The Australian government has recognised how vital a sporting cultural is to our nation. Therefore they have injected a lot of money into making sure our teams and individuals are of the highest quality. And this is also linked to point one, because a losing Australia is not a happy Australia and that is not good for any government…

Theory #3: We don’t really have anything better to do. Australians are perhaps the most relaxed people in the world. We don’t really care about anything. Yes, we highly value the ideals of having a family and forging a career and having a fulfilling life but ultimately we just like to do nothing. Whilst the English are running around back and forth from their 12 hr jobs in the freezing cold in traffic jams as long as some small countries, us Aussies are sitting on a beach somewhere playing a game of cricket with our friends and family.

Practice makes perfect remember

So don’t be too disheartened England, simply follow these three rules and you might be able to enjoy at least a small part of the sporting rapture we bask in everyday.

Or maybe not. I didn’t say I was a miracle worker…

Are 37 more Gold medals than England quite a thrashing?

DEFINITELY

Will the English be victorious in the Ashes this year?

MAYBE (but for the mental state of my country let’s hope not!)

Will England and Australia ever lose this rivalry, the base of which our very friendship was founded on?

PROBABLY NOT!

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TO STREAK OR NOT TO STREAK...THAT IS THE QUESTION...

10,000 screaming fans.

A sports match

A frosty night.

7 very brave Streakers.

The culmination of all these things, my fellow Australians, is what the student population of Leeds fondly refer to as Varsity. The cut throat rugby final, and last match of the Varsity sport competition between The University of Leeds and Leeds Metropolitan University (or SuperTafe to you Adelaideans).

When Louise suggested that she and I attend such a prestigious event (with a very friendly price tag of 7 pounds I might add) I was at first intrigued. Yes, I am happy to admit I know ABSOLUTELY nothing about rugby (and still don’t know anything – even post game). Us real Australians (sorry all u NSW and QLD’s) watch and follow Australian Rules Football; the real mans game. However, I was willing to put my ignorance in the hands of the Varsity rival game in the hope that it would reward me with a full and uplifting experience.

Unfortunately I am still convinced the game is still a bunch of muscular guys pushing each other around on a field of grass and occasionally making a poorly imitated Oussain Bolt dash for the try line….

But that is another point altogether.

We arrived at the ground with Tom and Fran only to find the line for smart people like us who had pre-purchased tickets was ENORMOUS and the line for people who were too lazy to get off their asses was NON EXISTENT. A girl behind me was even considering buying a new ticket just to skip the line. I tell you sometimes these English have it very backward…

My patience having been tested (although for an impatient soul like myself that’s not too hard to achieve) we finally arrived inside the Headingly Stadium. The game had already started and the roar of the crowd was pretty amazing.  I think there was meant to be separate stands for each University (for a uni game….I know right!) so we sat in front of a very large, and vocal group of Leeds Uni students. A massive shout out to the people that came up with the chant ‘If you cant go to uni go to Met’ to the tune of ‘If your happy and you know it clap your hands’ – that is an example of musical genius to the utmost degree!

We were cautioned that, whilst it is would be in our best patriotic nature to wear our Leeds Uni hoodies, it also acts as a huge red bullseye for a Leeds Met person wanting to throw beer on an unsuspecting soul. Needless to say the hoodie was left at home, in favour of more suitably neutral attire.

Having already learnt that Leeds Uni did not have very good odds to grasp the win (who would of thought Leeds Met were actually good at something?!?!), it was not a shock when Leeds Met took a convincing lead. However, the atmosphere of simply being in such an amazing crowd was enough for me to overlook the fact we were copping a flogging (losing really badly in English speak, sorry!)

Shortly afterwards I was introduced to the finely perfected English art of streaking. This is not to say that Australians have anything against taking their clothes off and running around a sports field (in fact some don’t even need the sports field part…) but it is definitely more apparent here. The reason for this can perhaps be attributed to the fact that in Australia it is likely you will get arrested for causing ‘public disturbance’ or at the very least wacked with a few hundred dollar fine. Here, you are ejected from the game and fined 80 pounds. Now, personally I think that is all the encouragement a wannabe streaker needs, if you and your friends all go in for the fine it’s so cheap, even by student standards! And yes you get ejected from the ground, but really it’s SO totally worth it and you have something really good to brag about at the pub afterwards!

At half time they made the presentations for the winners of the rest of the Varsity sports played over the tournament. Now this is the part, I was least looking forward to as this is what we heard:

Men’s Basketball:                                             Leeds Met! (cheer from the Leeds Met students)

Women’s Basketball:                                      Leeds Met! (see above)

Men’s Football:                                                 Leeds Met! (again see above)

Just about every sport ever created:       Leeds Met!

Men’s Professional Monopoly Playing:  Leeds Met!

(ok well maybe not but you can see how the trend developed)

Leeds Uni did come away with the win in a few things so hope was not all lost and the best thing about not winning a lot is, when we did the cheer was enormous! (probably more out of relief than anything else but that’s irrelevant!)

Leeds Uni did fight back in true underdog style at the end to only come up 12 points behind Leeds Met at the final siren, producing what I was told was one of the closest margins of the recent years. Good job Uni!

So the whole process was a rather steep learning curve for me, for the reasons outlined below:

a)      There would never be such a great rivalry in Adelaide but I really love how it produces a healthy competition that gives people a side to really get behind.

b)      I still do not have an understanding of rugby and honestly have no intention of developing one

c)       I saw many parts of the human anatomy which, effected by the frosty conditions, I wish to never, ever see again.

d)      And lastly, regardless of who won, surely a University’s merit must be largely based on its academic record and the intelligence of its very students.

After all, if you can’t go to Uni go to Met!

Was the crowd atmosphere electric?

DEFINITELY

Was it a little disheartening that we lost?

MAYBE

Will I ever forget the image of the fat, little security guards running after, and diving on, the streakers?

PROBABLY NOT!

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SAVE THE UGG BOOT!

Ugg Boots are an Australian icon. Shared with our Tasman Sea counterparts, New Zealand, Ugg Boots represent what it means to be quintessentially Australasian; relaxed and comfortable. It was not until I reached the land of Her Majesty that I realised how much you are abusing our cultural icon! Whilst this abuse is occurring in more ways than I care to count, here are the Top 3 Ugg Boot commandments the English have not only broken but completely disregarded!

1)      UGG BOOTS SHOULD NEVER, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, BE WORN AS SERIOUS OUTDOOR FOOTWEAR

Ugg Boots are essentially fancy slippers. Slippers are NOT suitable outdoor footwear and therefore neither should Ugg Boots. Wikipedia defines the term ‘Ugg Boots’ as ‘unisex sheepskin boots, made of twin-faced sheepskin with fleece on the inside and with a tanned outer surface, often with a synthetic sole’. NOTE THE TERM SYNTHETIC SOLE. Now of course we are all aware Wikipedia is hardly the gospel according to ‘insert some religious name here’, but synthetic soles are not made to withstand English Winters! They are not even made to withstand Australian Winters and that’s just basically Spring with rain! Ugg Boots are intended for indoor purposes only. Of course all Australians would be lying if they didn’t admit to wearing them to the supermarket to grab some milk or the petrol station but these are MINOR INDISCRETIONS compared to how you abuse them here!

You wouldn’t wear your PJ’s to University or out to lunch with friends, so don’t wear your PJ footwear!

2)      WHILST HIGH QUALITY VARIETIES ARE ESSENTIAL, UGG BOOTS SHOULD ALWAYS REMAIN A CHEAP, AFFORDABLE COMMODITY

There are many companies in Australia who are famous for their amazingly comfortable high quality Ugg Boots. Made from the best material and often hand crafted, there will always be a market for these high class products. HOWEVER, having said this, Australia is a democracy and believes all Australians should have access to the iconic Ugg Boot, regardless of how much money one has. Therefore there are many, many cheaper options available and sold throughout department stores. Yes, the quality may not be as good but it is about creating unity and equality within the Australian, Ugg wearing public. I’m afraid the same cannot be said of the UK where as a student you almost need to sell your liver to be able to afford a good pair. Now I do realise they are being imported from Australia, and that will therefore add more to the cost, but 200 pounds for a pair of slippers is absolutely outrageous! Every pair of Uggies I’ve had in my lifetime wouldn’t add up to that much!

3)      THE ATTIRE WORN WITH UGG BOOTS MUST BE OF A SIMILAR NATURE

Ugg Boots are a CASUAL footwear. They were designed with the purpose of keeping your feet warm in your house in Winter. They are, and the English please repeat after me, NOT to be worn as a fashion statement. There is a very good reason why Ugg Boots are yet to appear on the catwalk in Paris or Milan…. They are not high fashion! It breaks my heart to see a well dressed English girl, oozing style from head to thigh and then ruin the whole thing with a pair of Ugg Boots.

Whilst Aussies love our Uggies, there is also a certain amount of discretion used in the wearing of them. Worn predominantly with track pants, they seem to effortlessly blend into the outfit. Here, they are worn over stockings or leggings and stick out like an Australian accent in the royal family!

Having completely torn into England’s abuse of the poor Ugg Boot I do have one concession to make. Of course the United Kingdom should be allowed the freedom to give the Aussie Ugg Boot its own unique British identity – it would be unfair of us as a fellow Commonwealth nation, to impose our rules upon them.

But that doesn’t mean we can’t still take the piss out of them!

Are Ugg Boots designed solely for indoor use?

DEFINITELY

Will I kill the next girl who attempts to defend England’s use of Ugg Boots?

MAYBE

Will it ever stop being a source of endless entertainment for us Aussie girls?

PROBABLY NOT!

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THE DAY I LOST MY OTLEY RUN VIRGINITY

The Otley Run. Just those three words can bring about several emotions in the minds of a Leeds student.

a)      Excitement

b)      An assortment of cringe worthy embarrassing memories

Or c) and most commonly, the sudden need to throw up.

This ladies and gentlemen is the pub crawl to end all pub crawls we fondly refer to as the Otley Run.

Nationally famous, The Otley Run is a pub crawl from Headingly, through Hyde Park and the University, and finally finishing in the City. Of course each run varies but most visit 12-16 pubs along the way, which in comparison to the Australian pub crawls I’ve been on is super hardcore!

Could a lightweight (Cadbury to you Aussies) like myself be able to take on such a challenge? I was about to find out when we embarked on the International and Study Abroad Society’s Saturday Afternoon Otley Run.

Dressing up is a quintessential part of having an Otley Run. The theme for this said pub crawl was ‘British Stereotypes’ and so with that in mind fellow Australia Myf and I came decked out in our best David Beckham impression – minus the stick thin wafer of a wife of course. Was an excellent choice for a costume as it allowed for comfortable clothes and suitable shoes for such a long walk!

Our Otley Run began at Woodies in Headingly, and it was only as we were taking a cab out there did we realise how far we really did have to go. I clearly remember looking out the window at every pub we passed (the majority of which were on the list for this very event) and thinking: ‘this is going to get messy…’

If there was a prize for the best costume (which just quietly there should have been), our other St Markian’s Tash and Lizzie would have won hands down. The girls looked just ‘dahling’ dressed as English tea ladies complete with hats, gloves and tea cups. Tea cups which they used to drink their vodka out of, not exactly the purpose they were designed for but traditional all the same.  As for the others there was an assortment of Queens, tweed attired horse people and chavs. The Chavs were my personal favourite and the most realistic; I think we must have passed some identical look alikes on our way down the crawl! There were also a few other crawls going on the same time as ours and we saw many people dressed in weird and wonderful things. A shout out has to go to the guy wearing a full elephant costume complete with trunk….

I made the number one Otley Run mistake at the second pub, The Three Horseshoes.  Repeat after me: ‘The Otley Run moves quickly. Therefore thou shall not order a pint unless one can be guaranteed of consuming said beverage in the allotted amount of time’. Adhere to this rule I did not, and had to skull half a pint to catch up with the very fast paced crawl. Learnt from my mistakes at the rest though and did not dally with my drinks – an Otley Run is not the time for a lazy cider, it serious drinking business….

As the crawl wound its way to the City, we walked from place to place caring less and less about the troubles in our worlds. There is a general rule that if you make it to the Library/The Eldon you have done a fair effort but we were going along just fine. We stopped for refuelling at the Library for one of their famous Cajun Chicken Burgers (with Curly fries right Tom!) only to be told they had stopped serving food. It was as devastating to a drunk, hungry Leeds student as if we have had just been told our right arms were to be amputated. Although that would be troubling also because how were we to then hold our drinks….

So we traipsed down the road to the Eldon where we approached the bar with fingers crossed that they were still serving food.  To our immense excitement they were and we all ordered in rapid succession as if our very lives depended on it. And then after our food did come, I ate four chips and then proceeded to empty my ENTIRE meal on the floor. Excellent. Luckily, we managed to salvage some of it, and a lovely girl who worked there got the kitchen to supplement the rest. Which she reminded me to tell anyone who asked that I had paid for….

After the Eldon we  were meant to pop in at the Old Bar and the Terrace but as someone accurately pointed out, both would have been full to the brim with Freshers from Freshers Ball, so it was to my relief that we bypassed both and trooped down the road to The Fenton. And this would be where myself and most of my crew hit our wall. We had been crawling for over eight hours and we had reached the point where we could crawl no longer, so after 11 odd pubs we admitted defeat and headed home in the rain.

At least I can say I survived my first Otley Run and lived to tell the tale to other unsuspecting students who think a trip to the Elephant, Tav and Mansions is classed as a ‘real’ pub crawl (for you Adelaide people who know where they are anyway..). And here are my observations from the jam packed drinking afternoon:

Is having a vodka at every pub on The Otley Run a massive achievement for me?

DEFINITELY

Are the photos I took the only real memories I can rely on from the afternoon/evening?

MAYBE

Will I ever forget the sight of the group of grown men dressed as Oompa Lompas?

PROBABLY NOT!

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