ITS ALL ABOUT THE DOLLARS AND SENSE

I hate English money. There I said it. You are now free to come and attacked me with your torches and pitchforks and yell blasphemous insults in my direction but, to follow in the steps of the suave Rhett Butler, ‘frankly my dear I don’t give a damn’.

So herein follows the justification I have for hating the currency of this grand country.

Number #1: The Penny. There are not enough words in the English language (or any other language for that matter) which can successfully explain how useless these tiny bits of copper are. And if that wasn’t bad enough there are two of them! The argument is that they are necessary because in England, items are not rounded up to the nearest 5c (or p depending on where you’re from) so when a sausage roll costs 1 pound and 82 pence they mean exactly 1 pound and 82 pence. In my opinion 1 and 2 p coins only serve 2 purposes, neither of which are particularly comforting. One, they serve to largely bulk up your wallet making it appear as though you have more money than you actually do. And two, it is handy to give to charities who don’t make a whole lot of money because all they are getting from other people are their 1p coins as well.

Boo for the penny.

Number #2: English ATM’s. The automated teller machine is one of man’s best inventions. It is the epitome of convenience and ease of use. Well apparently that memo was not passed on to the English who have attempted to make the world’s most complicated ATM’s. First of all, they do not give out 50 pound notes. As you can only get them from the bank, it is very rare to see a student in possession of one.

(Side note: this would explain the story of when I first got here and I was at a club waiting at the bar to be served, clearly displaying my 50 pound note. The guy next to me saw this and wittily commented ‘you must either be a foreigner or a member of the mafia’. Right. Duly noted)

So because of this, when you go to an ATM and try to withdraw 100 pounds, its anyone’s guess as to what assortment of notes you will get. It is unnecessarily complicated and very frustrating!

And don’t get me started on how many more buttons you have to push too…I just want money, not to send Morse Code to Mars!

Number #3: Say it together English people, ‘WATERPROOF’. English money is made from paper. Paper that has not been laminated. This is an alien notion to us Australians, and I can assure you that yes, it is just as impractical as it sounds. Whilst I was in Manchester, after just arriving in England, I watched in amusement as a lady tried repeatedly to feed a wet 10 pound note into the machine dispensing the tram tickets. Because it was soggy the machine did not accept it and she left in search of another ticket-buying avenue, just as the tram arrived.

So that’s my rant about the complex and unnecessary problems the English have imposed upon their monetary system. Perhaps they should just take a leaf out of the Australian’s book where everything seems a lot less complicated. I mean its paper and circles of metal; it’s not rocket science people!

Is Australian money far superior to the English?

DEFINITELY

Are the two pound coins the only good thing about English money?

MAYBE (they are prettier to look at than the Australian ones…)

Will I ever miss digging around in my penny-laden purse looking for that 7p?

PROBABLY NOT!